Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
