She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
