I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
