Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
