that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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