Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
