and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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