She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
