I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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