saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
