just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
