i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
