Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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