new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
