I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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