it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
