Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
