pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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