I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
