I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm too high and old for this...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
