we have pet lesbian snakes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is my gift to your gina
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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