I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
