im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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