dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am naked and annoyed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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