why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
3 2 1 whiskey
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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