I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His nipple licking is glorious
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