need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
