god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
