Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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