They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
