He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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