I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
