Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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