Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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