yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
