The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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