Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
