if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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