uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
