thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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