____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
