If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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