Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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