i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
