Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
