Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
