Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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