Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
