But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
