Hey man sorry I got all grabby
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
