I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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