..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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